+++misc photos.+++
xtine.me.
me.jiahui. linzi at Mayday's event.

it has always been so diffcult to live up to my expectations.

or rather the expectations that the society requires us to.

the society doesnt allow anyone to make mistakes.

once u make a mistake, others will pinpoint at u. and start to emphasize on ur mistake rather than those 99 correct things that u do.

what's the big deal? HELLO! 1 mistake that u made out of a 100 and ppl starts to see u in a different way. duhz.

and i dislike the fact that i have to do impression mgt.

i've lost my sense of direction suddenly. and i hate myself for that.

i cant wait to find a job that i like. a job that requires me to run ard instead of staring at the com. for the whole day in the super cold office.

i cant wait for mid sept to come.

i dont want to wake up 630am anymore jus to leave hse at 700am to catch the co. bus at 735am.

i dun want to end work at 530pm but only rch home at 7+pm.

i dun want to be "forced" to eat rice anymore during lunch. ( but i know they meant well ). i hate to eat rice.

i dun want to be treated like a fool. hmmm.

i dun want to be in that super cold air conditioned room that makes my finger nails turn purple.

i dun want to be in that small space that im confined in.

COS i want to be in a line that i like.

6wks have passed. another 7wks to go. >_<

however.. i got to admit that i've my fair share of laughter there as well. there are v nice ppl there that i know. =DD

cos im new. it's kinda diffcult to bond into their grp. 6wks of interaction vs 1+/2 yrs of friendship for the rest. that i unds.

so, i didnt actually feel left out when they din ask me to join them for this and that.

i want to learn to be independent. rem?

i miss my loud screamings. long time since i last scream damn LOUD.

i miss running ard. rushing here and there.

i miss yakking nonsense. i miss talking rubbish. i miss doing funny faces.

was in town last fri. lookin at the ppl ard. i dun know when was the last time i dressed myself up. F***

boring office attire. even if i were to dress up a little bit, i will invite ermmmm "gossip"? cos ppl there dun make up. i was wearing a cap into office that day. OOH COME ON! obviously i wld wan to take off my cap when i start working. jus a short dist (50m? or less than that) and i got attention. errrrrr. a cap.. and i got attention. come on~~~~~ youngsters wear cap. and it's not that im wearing it the whole day in the office. u can call me NUTS if i do that.



i want freedom. and a job that i like.

Labels: over the weekend...

禮拜4/5/6/天 和今天我都在淋雨。

怎麼我都還沒生病呢?


我真的很想生病。


然後躲在家裡。不出門。


哪都不想去。


因為。。。不想讓自己受傷。



這消息太突然。讓我意想不到。讓我措手不及。


我應該怎麼反應呢?


哭?微笑帶過?


還是裝什麼事都沒發生過?


算了。。。。。。反正我也是個普通的平反人而已。

人生是為了自己 還是為了週圍的人而活呢?


你所做的一舉一動是因為自己還是別人?


你所說的每一句話 是為了安慰自己還是哄人家呢?


我承認 (我想大家也知道) 我們的人生有一半是為了朋友/家人而活的 不是嗎?


因為朋友的因素 我學會了堅強


因為我的存在 朋友也得到了快樂 不是嗎?


我其實是個很知足的人 只要想小孩一般哄我就OK了。


不需要大禮物 只要你們的笑容 和擁抱。說些無理頭的笑話逗我笑也OK。 =D 就像慧玲和雪在公司的EMAIL。


我想再跟你們兩說聲“謝謝”。真的。。有你們的陪伴﹐我的工作時間也比較好過。


雖然只是幾個字的EMAIL 對我來說 it's the world. =)



我的付出 我也沒有什麼想過要回報。 但說真的﹐我也是人。


有時候我也需要點回報。


讓我知道我的付出不是白費的。 讓我知道我不是個傻瓜。



朋友很多。 但要找人談心1/2就夠了。不貪心。


當我有正當的事情找位好朋友幫忙時﹐被拒絕的感覺真的超爛的。爛爆了。


害我悶了一整天。


陪我有很苦難嗎? 我也知道你有自己的事情做﹐但前幾次我約你出門 你也都說沒空。 =(


唉~~


當老大很不容易。我也有想要被寵的時候。

五月天 - 我又初恋了




每一次从爱里离开 就像是心被切一块切一块 下次再也不敢放胆爱


谁知道主歌才一半 桥段都还没唱出来就突然 你的出现爆破了悲哀


难道 我又我又初恋了 不可能 我又我又初恋了可是 真的真的初恋了 这一种feel 我又 真的真的初恋了


我爱你 你爱我 我们再也找不到借口 就像是 第一次 一起飞着爱情的自由 我爱你 你爱我 我们再也不需要借口 又一次 初恋了 就算降讲有一点荒谬 谁在乎喔

Never Let You Go - Janice 衛蘭




it's just so so so nice.